Hi. I’m Candy from the Cat Pak morning show. Here is a list of 50 things I want to do before I die.
1. Have a kid and name it Optimus Prime.
2. Run for President.
3. Run for Governor.
4. Run for mayor.
5. Run for 5 minutes.
6. Stay up for two whole days.
7. Eat an entire cow. Hooves too.
8. Get frozen in Carbonite.
9. Watch all of the Police Academy movies in reverse order saving Gutenberg for last!
10. Write a list of 50 things I want to do before I die.
11. Eat a raw egg.
12. Headline a WrestleMania.
13. Eat a light bulb.
14. Get in to a huge fight in a restaurant where I get key lime pie thrown at me and I have to pay a bunch of money to get my shirt dry cleaned.
15. Get a shirt that needs to be dry cleaned.
16. Play bass in a Doors cover band.
17. Sue Red Bull for the wings they promised me.
18. Get stabbed.
19. Get shot.
20. Stab someone.
21. Shoot someone.
22. Shoot someone with a knife gun.
23. Invent a knife gun.
24. Clone bacon.
25. Enter a strong man contest.
26. Save a bunch of money, and pay for a car in dimes.
27. Eat chunky jelly and creamy peanut butter.
28. Have surgery to make my head look like a Lego person. Then my hats can lock on.
29. Miss the winning field goal during the Superbowl “the big game”.
30. Open a gas station and close right before a big storm.
31. Buy one of those inflatable castles and charge people to come in.
32. Put a moat around said castle and fill it with dragons and sea nymphs.
33. Buy a “to scale” globe.
34. Save my belly button lint, dye it yellow, make a trench coat out of it and have a Cat Country logo sewn in to it for New Year’s Eve.
35. Time travel to last week and remember to DVR “Nashville”.
36. Make the Kessel run in 11 parsecs.
37. Live on the Moon then fake an Earth landing.
36. Get cold blood.
37. Get a tan.
38. Learn Karate.
39. Eat all the scones in the studio fridge, leave a note for John Sykes telling him “ha ha – too bad” and sign it w/ Hobie’s name and start an on air fued. Again.
40. Start referring to the above as the “Scone Wars”.
41. Pretend I’m not as excited as I am about the new Star Wars franchise.
42. Get the day off from the Cat Pak morning show the day after all of the Star Wars movies come out so I can watch them the night before.
43. Figure out how to edit # 42.
43. Tell people I have tourrets and finally get away with my smart mouth.
44. Convince Brent Lane that my maiden name is really Skywalker.
45. Convince Captain Chris that my maiden name is really Voorhees.
46. Convince Hobie my maiden name is really Peg-Leg’s.
47. Continue to convince John Sykes my maiden name is really Apple.
48. Eat my weight in cheese again at the next Catty awards party.
49. Learn the steppy – clappy dance that African American sororities and fraternities do in those movies and on “A Different World”.
50. Never start a 50 things bucket list again.
I’m sorry I have crazy eyes in this picture. I do not photograph well – or you know, look, umm … well. Also this list isnt entirely accurate – I don’t really want to have a kid or run for 20 minutes. Thank you for reading me.